Our Video Store in the 1990's
The hideous minivan was mine...a car so wretched that it's
name was Jean-Claude the Damn Van. But that's another story.
Top Hat Video!
Once upon a time...the 90s to be exact...the Hatfield family owned a small shopping center in the Salt Lake area called Fox Crossing. When the video store went bankrupt...the Hatfields decided to take it over and join a chain of video stores called Top Hat Video. We always loved movies...but now the movies became our lives.
"Top Hat" the movie our store was named after.
Our colors were hot pink and black...I know, right?
Our whole family worked there...my teenagers had to be driven from Highland to the Salt Lake Valley several times a week after school. My job was merchandising...decorating the store...and movie purchasing. Our weekends were spent at the movie theater and each summer we went to Vegas for the big Video Convention, where we met studio reps and movie stars promoting their lastest flicks. I was there when Will Wheaton announced that he quit his role as Wesley Crusher on Star Trek the Next Generation because "I wanted to grow as an actor." It was quite a life...until a Blockbuster and a Hollywood Video moved in within a couple of blocks of our little store. Suddenly "Mom and Pop" weren't cool anymore. So we cut our losses and sold the store. We thought we were leaving the movie life behind...but it was too ingrained in our psyches. Like the episode of Star Trek where the alien race can only communicate in historical references...our family communicates in movie quotes.
Notable Quotables...
"I totally paused!"
We say this almost everyday...depending on who's driving.
Must use a "Valley Girl" inflection.
"Everybody remember where we parked."
My favorite Kirk quote...as they leave their ship in Golden Gate Park.
Used by us in every strange parking garage.
"Cap'n there be whales here!"
Mr. Scott...another favorite we will use for no reason.
Scottish accent is mandatory.
"Who's the moosiest moose we know...Marty Moose!"
A song we often sing on road trips to Disneyland.
"Okay, Sparky"
All of our daughters' boyfriends and husbands are known as "Sparky"
Some...the boyfriends...change so often we don't bother learning their names.
"Well, skin me alive and call me luggage!
Daddy Alligator...our expression of surprise.
Tiny Toons Vacation is one of our family's all-time favorites.
It's hard to find and isn't...as far as I know...on DVD.
"Happy World Land...Happy World Land...
where the fun doesn't stop, and only eighty bucks a pop,
at beautiful Happy World Land!"
More from Tiny Toons...we also sing this on the way to Disneyland.
Mystery Science Theater 3000...the most brilliant TV show and movie ever!
A lone astronaut...either Joel or Mike...is stranded in space with a couple of wise-cracking robots. For some reason...an evil villainess is torturing them by forcing them to watch really bad movies. Her plot is foiled when they have too much fun heckling the movies. It's like sitting behind some college kids...or the boys from Big Bang Theory. A few of my favorite quotes follow:
"This Island Earth"
"Science and Industry!"
"Big men putting screwdrivers into things...turning them...ADJUSTING THEM!"
This must be said in a droning voice like the voiceovers on those movies
we watched in school on the building of Hoover Dam.
I think of this every time that commercial for patenting your inventions comes on.
"Jack Frost"
"Ivanuska...I have a new church hat!"
Funny little mushroom man...ridiculous "Russo-Finnish Coproduction."
More Family Favorites...
The Best of the Rest"
As I got going on this post I realized that there are just too many great quotes and it's taking too much space...so here is a list of more favorites...
"It's so stimulating...being your hat!" Labyrinth
Often said when someone is boring us.
"I'm older and have more insurance" Fried Green Tomatoes
I say this every time I get a good parking space before someone else can get there.
"Mother, I'm hungry." 101 Dalmations
Chubby puppy looked just like our son Geoff...who is always hungry!
English accent preferred.
"It's not a tumor!" Kindergarten Cop
When any of the kids would get a headache, we'd say "It's probably a tumor."
"There's no crying in baseball!" A League of Their Own.
Whenever the granddaughters cry about something stupid.
"Napoleon Dynamite"
"Tina, you lard...come and get some dinner!"
"I caught you a delicious bass."
"Whatever I feel like...gosh!"
"...bring me my chapstick. My lips hurt real bad."
I think I will end with Napoleon Dynamite...this is...to our family at least...one of the funniest movies ever made. We will be quoting this film until the end of time. I'll bet we're not the only family to do this...talk in quotes. I'd be interested to hear from you what your favorites are...you know you want to!
WARNING!!! I MAY COME BACK HERE AND ADD MORE QUOTES!
"Inconceivable!"
(Extra credit if you know which movie that is from...lol!)
